Does Your Pet Affect Your Relationships?
A recent article in the Wall Street Journal made me evaluate how my own pets affect my relationships. The article highlights how distorted priorities can lead to marital problems and dysfunction in the family. My husband knew what he was getting into when he married a vet, so I almost get a free pass when it comes to me lavishing my pets and treating them like the infallible monsters they are. With my own pet-to-husband balance in check (I admit to the occasional argument on who cleans the litter), I mulled on the ways my pets affect everyday life.
I just recently realized how disruptive the cats are to our sleep during their recent month of confinement. Both have been banished to the basement due to Winston’s inappropriate elimination (before you think I’m mean, it’s a finished basement with all the kitty amenities). With the cats safely locked away, there was no more waking up in the middle of the night to ax-like paws digging into my sternum. No more 3am howling in triumph after killing the toy mouse for the 1000th time. No early morning meowing alarm clock nervous we’d forget to feed him breakfast. I must say, I’ve been sleeping quite well.
In addition, the cats definitely affect the relationship with my in-laws. My father-in-law is dreadfully allergic to cats and despite my cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, and sterilization of the house, his visits can only comfortably last about 2 hours despite allergy medications. Summer visits lend themselves to sitting outside but winter visits result in trips to the movies or going out for dinner. I have no plans on ridding the house of cats in the future so I guess I have agreed to awkward visits.
I’m wondering how your own pets affect your day to day and extended relationships?
My husband has learned to live with my animal loving ways (he grew up in a house without pets), and has even been caught snuggling with ours. He, like yours, knew what he was getting into, marrying a pre-vet student. My in-laws, on the other hand, have not acquired a liking for our dog and cat. They are the type of people who view animals as unnecessary, and openly call ours “just more mouths to feed when money could be spent better.” It’s frustrating (not that they don’t like the animals, but that they are blatantly rude about it). When our cat got pancreatitis a few years back, I shared the information (and the modestly-priced medical treatment) with them. They told me I should just put the cat down and get another one rather than waste the money. They’ll never understand, so I also live with uncomfortable visits!
1When I was deep iot shcutzhund trianing/competition, I had two different boyfriends that were jealous of the time I spent with my dog and club. I didn’t much care if the door hit them on the way out.
Today? The SO vacuums a little more frequently than I would. That his choice and I am good with it. I hope he is, too.
Our vacations and road trips are always dog friendly. It’s always been that way for me and I like it that way. He’s good to go on his own if he wants to go somewhere less doggie. We do have this discussion a couple times a year.
I love my husband and he’s a keeper, but it was understood when we married there would always be dogs on my end, and horses if possible. He’s got his “junk yard” and car stuff that I don’t love but participate frequently.
2When I moved in with my now husband I came with cats and he knew they weren’t optional! Fortunately he likes cats. We have since adopted dogs and now foster cats and dogs as well. I always figure he knew I was crazy when he married me and that was his choice!
We do have some friends and family members who are very allergic and so visits can be tricky. That our house has all hardwood floors and no carpet seems to make a huge difference. We have one friend who is really badly allergic and can barely spend anytime at another friends house where they have carpet and 2 cats, but can spend an evening and have dinner at our house where there are always at least 11 cats + dogs.
3I think it would be obvious that anyone who insists on the other partner getting rid of any pet(s) in order to be with them, is asking too much, and will only end up with someone who resents them. The degree of resentment will cause problems, so why do that to the other person. And, dog-forbid, when there are children involved, it’s even worse. I know of several instances where a man made a woman get rid of pets and in a few of them there were children involved. Every one of these times, there’s either dislike or hatred, followed by divorce, or there’s dislike/hatred, followed by kids leaving and not having a good (or any) relationship with mom/stepfather. I just don’t understand why anyone would do that, to themselves or their kids. If someone hates animals that much, they can’t like people all that well, either.
I think in-law visits of a couple hours are just the right length, even without allergies! And going out to dinner and/or movies is a great way to socialize. But then, I’m fortunate that our dogs (and a house in perpetual renovation mode) make it impossible to have family visit us at all. Too bad, so sad, I say, but I’m mean that way, hahahaha!!!
4My husband was a take-it-or-leave it as far as pets were concerned. I had cats when we met and married so he knew that I liked pets. As the years have gone by we have had quite a few cats and a couple of dogs. We’ve both agreed that we probably won’t get another dog, but we currently have an inside cat, a keeper. We have another inside cat that we’re fostering, but will find a home for. Then we have seven outside cats — yes, I said seven!!! It all started with one feral mama cat and her progeny. All the cats but one are neutered now, so hopefully we won’t have additional cats, but we’re known in the area as being the “crazy cat people” so if someone dumps their cat out here in the country, the kids will catch it and bring it to us. That’s how we got the tabby-point Siamese we’re fostering. We’ve had her spayed and will put an ad in the local paper next week.
The funny thing is that now we’re getting older, I can’t do the work it takes to have 7 outside cats, and my husband has taken it all upon himself to do everything! And he loves them more than I do!
5My husband was firmly in the “I hate cats” camp when we met. Give a little time and a cat finds a way into anyone’s heart. He now loves “his cat” more than I do!
6My Labs and my cat are as much a part of my family as the humans. My husband knew that going in.. he certainly was not a huge dog or cat fan but he certainly has come around.. Although now that we have 3 labs the room in our bed is getting very scarce.. Hubby goes to bed later than I ( well me and the labs ) and often times he gives up trying to find space and goes to the spare room.. My suggestion is a bigger bed…
7I’m a vet student and my pets are family. Everyone who’s met me more than once quickly learns that, just like my long-term BF did. If there were any ultimatum, the one issuing them would certainly be the first to go, but I did make concessions and would in the future: No pets on the bed, HEPA air filters, getting rid of carpet and sweeping daily, etc, so that our relationship ran more smoothly. That and agreeing to not get anymore without talking about it first! Pets do have a huge impact on relationships, anyone who says otherwise is lying, but it doesn’t have to be a negative one. If you can’t learn to work together to deal with pets, I wonder about the relatively greater stresses that result from children.
8What a coincidence to see these comments, just spent a couple hours cleaning before the husband comes back from a business trip. My miracle solution a couple years ago was to rip out all the carpet in the house, so disgusting when you see what is under it, and we put in laminate-fake wood flooring. The brand we used was Pergo, we got it at Home Depot and OMG, it has made all the difference! All I have to do to clean accidents is use a wet paper towel and it wipes up so easily, then it looks brand new. We got the widest pieces available so it would be harder for liquids to seep into the cracks. It has been my miracle in cleaning after 6 cats and 2 labs. My vet who is also a good friend has done the same, so have several friends and it has made life so much easier and happier with family.
9Too much fuss over pets. Pets are just animals. Get a grip. It’s outrageous how you pet cultists have elevated dogs for example to the levels of people.
You idiots think a stupid mutt is EQUAL to your spouse or child or siblings. How drunk do you have to be to elevate a lower species to the level of your family?
10Before you fools label me an “animal hater”, are YOU really an “animal lover”? Do you love fleas & ticks? Do you love bats and worms? How about cows pigs and chickens? I bet you love to EAT livestock animals.
11Most “animal lovers” are misanthropes. That’s what I’ve discovered, reading the blogs of pet cultists. You dislike kids, you’d rather kiss your dog than your spouse, you’re bitter about people. If you love your dog so much, why don’t you marry it?
12Hitler was a dog lover. Did you know that?
13Larry: Thanks for the chuckles.
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